the beginnings of a manifesto

for all women, who are tired of unsatisfying relationships with significant others, who are tired of being led on, ignored, hurt, and lonely in a situation that should imply none of those things, i implore you to understand. understand and hope. understand that there is nothing wrong with you, and hope that things can change. understand that you are not the sole blame for any situation. understand that you have value and worth, that you are appealing. understand that you are, indeed, capable of being loved; you are not powerless.

i write this not only for myself but for so many of the women i know, and the conversation that we continue to have. this conversation is not unique to one group of women but spans several, regardless of race, interest, religion, and sexual orientation. it strikes me as very sad that this painful monologue of rejection and patronizing must be one of the things that binds us together as women so strongly.

forgive me in advance for my generalizations. not everyone operates in these negative ways. this is directed, however, at those who do; to those who know that they have committed a crime against one they claimed to feel for, to those who know that they've done something wrong, and to those too ignorant to have recognized their error.

i speak for others because i know that i am not alone in these feelings and experiences. we have had this conversation amongst each other too many times, and it has come time to address the world. this is not simply a complaint of an inconvenience, but a set of legitimate emotions concerning a commonly endured and legitimate problem. this manifesto speaks for many and is illustrated with personal anecdotes that while personal, are not completely unique.

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we are tired.
we are tired and we are finished.
finished with many things.

we are tired of giving of ourselves:
giving our bodies in the throes of passion, or maybe that's what you considered them. maybe that's what we considered them. one of us was wrong.
giving our bodies in what you thought was one thing, and what we thought was another.
giving our bodies in something we've never communicated about effectively - something we've never talked about, but simply jumped into.
giving our bodies to you in trust, in disillusionment. in the hope that the following actions would solidify things.

perhaps it was our mistake. but does any action involving two parties or more leave one person uniquely at fault? is that the way it is with consensual sex? that leaves both to blame. it was not simply our misconception or ideal, but yours as well.

we are tired of giving of ourselves:
our listening ear when this simple courtesy cannot be returned to us.
it is one thing to forget minute details or the occasional remark. it is quite another to have told the same story multiple times, and to have it renewed each time. this tells us that you have not actually listened. you have heard the noise of speech but left our words unprocessed. that this common courtesy has not been extended to us has caused us discomfort, pain, and many other negative emotions. it has caused us to question ourselves and our worth.

we are tired of giving of ourselves:
unrequited kindness. while not seeking large amounts of attention, it would be nice if we put effort into something to be commended, especially if we are engaged in a positive relationship. when we compliment you and you never compliment us, we eventually notice, and once again, we lead down a road of thought that eventually leads us to question ourselves. no matter how strong and independent we are, no woman is an island.

we are tired of being patronized. tired of being lied to, misled, led on to believe things that were not and would never be true. you do not need to lie to us to coerce us into fitting into what you want. we are capable of being spoken with, and deserving of knowing your intentions. we would, although unseemingly sometimes, appreciate honesty at the cost of immediate negative emotions than dishonesty and patronizing at the cost of the longer train of negative emotional consequence that appears once we have realized that we have been lied to.

want we want is something better. we are not nececssarily man-haters, we are not necessarily even feminists. many of us don't know where we stand on the feminist continuum. but we do know that the relationships we are having are not satisfying, and that something must finally be done to change this.

what we want is something better. we deserve respect, courtesy, equal treatment, and we deserve to be loved and cared for on a number of levels. we deserve honesty, and we deserve to feel confident about ourselves. we deserve the basic courtesies that come with having rights not just as a woman, but as a person in our culture. we deserve honesty. we deserve A CHANCE.

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we are tired. but unlike the result of the feeling of fatigue, which is lack of action, we are fatigued differently. we are tired to the point of movement. we are tired, and we REFUSE to continue to simply talk about all of these things amongst each other.

we want progress. we want equality. we want the basic courtesies we extend to be returned. we at least want you to be honest about your feelings for us.

women, we stand in a position of being able to change things for the better. and as a collective, we can. we must not let these negative things happen anymore. we must be strong enough to say no to these things, and to talk about what is and what is not acceptable. we do not have to endure these things.

we no longer shall.