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* Friday, March 31, 2006 *
word from the kck
chilling in ashley's guest room. got a kitty on my lap, theodore..but i have been calling him "teo". he's so sweet, very kissy and very cuddly. he's a purring machine. i want a kitty :( or a dog, or something....i mean i love bradley (my fish) but he can't sleep on the end of my bed. he would die. and that would make me sad. plus, it would smell. got some essential oils today, a mixture of tea rose and rain. smells AMAZING. they kept it on file at the store, so when i need to reorder, they know exactly what it is. i love that. hooray for stores who keep good relations with clientele! we went to urban outfitters, i found some killer jeans, make my ass look happy...w00t. ashley found some hot gaucho pants on sale, which is happy. we had ice cream at coldstone, took our pictures with a weird penguin statue that looks like he had his arm around me just because of the way it was shaped, and went to the betsey johnson boutique looking for sewing ideas. it was hot. ashley found some awesome stuff at UO, like a clearanced out wok. she's thinking about getting her ears pierced and i told her that if she did it, i would go with and get something done too (i've always wanted lots of star tattoos! i refuse to have anyone else finish my navel project, i believe in consistency and Bil, the guy who pierced it, is someone i am more than happy with). so now we're here, at the apartment, and i'm not sure what's going on tonight but i'm sure it will be cool :) so yeah, hi from the KCK! Ria posted at 5:51 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, March 28, 2006 *
zzzz
 my sleep patterns are officially nonexistent! Ria posted at 9:16 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Monday, March 27, 2006 *
good things, bad things
good things about today
my navel feels a lot better now that i put that saline on it. Ria posted at 6:08 PM 1 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Friday, March 24, 2006 *
skin deep
my skin on my face was doing really well in terms of not breaking out, the skin being really even, feeling really good. then i started downing the pop - something i have rarely done in the past year. the only time i drink pop really is when i go out, not even when i go to food service or work. normally i drink water, milk, sometimes juice but mainly water and milk. i'd been doing really well with the water, which was also helping my skin - it just looked so much brighter! then i started drinking basically a can of pop a day in the beginning of this week, which is a COMPLETE pop overload for me, being as i am used to maybe one can of pop a week (MAYBE). so between the hormones of getting my period sometime next week and all the junk i've been putting in my body with the pop, and the fact that im drinking less water because of the pop, i'm breakin' out. my skin looks dull. it looks red. everything around my jawline is back to being super inflamed. the plan of action: 1. do more yoga (kinda hard right now because i have to keep from putting stress on my navel piercing) 2. DRINK MORE WATER - i even have a sticker on my nalgene from PUR that says "don't be a drip - drink more water!" which i thought was perfect for me. yay for ads with stickers. 3. give up and admit to myself that cheetos and reese's pieces are not an acceptable dinner. 4. keep my nails short. because once they get long enough to scratch anything, i start unconsciously picking at the stuff on my face, making things worse. i dont want to do it, its just nasty unconscious habit. i need to NOT TOUCH. 5. go back to moisturizing, because after about a week of that my face started to feel pretty good. Ria posted at 9:53 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Thursday, March 23, 2006 *
taureau
i don't necessarily buy into the whole astrology thing. but my horoscope for today was eerily true (from horoscope.com): The challenges that you faced yesterday will ease considerably today, and by the afternoon you should feel more like your old self again. However, a testing aspect from Jupiter means that you will have to draw on your willpower when it comes to staying power: stick with it! Ria posted at 10:38 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, March 21, 2006 *
shiny belly hole
i decided i wanted something pierced. i mean, i've known it for a while. i always thought i would have to lose more weight if i wanted to do my navel, but then i said fuck it and realized that i'm not that big and that it would be fine. i also didnt want the standard navel, with one bananabell going through with some tacky ass playboy bunny or some ring from claire's stuck in there. so i'm doing a navel project (more than one ring, etc). i went to Focus in iowa city and the guy there (bil) was great. i knew i wanted three rings, one on the top and two on the bottom (like a triangle or celtic knot), preferably connected (like i put in the previous entries). but we decided against that, as he said there would be too much pressure and by the time we found a ring size that wouldn't cause a lot of pressure, the rings would be too big and they'd stick out too far. he said he always thought it would be cool to do the three piercings and once healed, replace them with curved barbells with eyelets on the ends facing the navel instead of spikes or beads, and then put a ring through the eyelets (so it wouldn't be pierced in like the other three, just held in by them). i thought that sounded awesome. i decided that i could be that person, because it sounded really cool. we did the ring on top, and in about four weeks when this one is healed, i'll go back for the two on the bottom. so here are some pictures, a cheesy one of me and some of the bellyhole...woot.     Ria posted at 11:54 AM 1 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Friday, March 17, 2006 *
update 2 of 2 (here only)
my heart chakra is exploding today. i don't know if it's from all the green lately or what (the color associated with it), but i have felt so much love in general, for other people, for life, so much caring, in the past few days that i feel like my heart is going to rupture. in a good way. it's just been a pouring out of compassion and understanding and love and honesty, and i like that. there's also been some insecurity and worry, probably stemming from my heart chakra being so exposed and thus my voice of reason is a little off. little miss wisdom inside my head is taking a backseat right now. and sometimes, that's ok. Ria posted at 1:02 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
update 1 of 2 today: cc'd from IAM
the sun is out, and i'm happy. i'm calm. and...i'm hungry. St. Pats is my favorite holiday. it has been for quite some time. there are several reasons for this: 1. my favorite color (apart from black) is green. that said, i think tomorrow is going to be awesome for me. after i get done with this thing at my sister's i have some really good plans: possible ice skating, possible trinity navel piercing (click here if you want to see what i want it to turn out like), watching Saw and Waiting, good stuff :) and no work!!!! i have the day off, which is much needed. and the weekend after this one? i have the whole damn thing off! ahhhhhhh.....:) we were talking about feeling sublime in class today, it came up in some of the poetry we were discussion, and that's sortof how i feel now. not quite, but almost. and it's such a lovely feeling. <3> Ria posted at 1:01 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Wednesday, March 15, 2006 *
cc'd from BME: my thoughts on class today.
missing: the last two and a half hours of my life! if anyone finds them, please give them back! my class took them away. and class was dolphin of lame today! like it is every day! SOOOOOOO BORING i want to fall asleep. oh wait, too late for that. since i slept through half of the film we watched yesterday (hey i was bundled up and it was dark in there) and kept zonking out for the last 45 minutes of morning class today. i paid more attention in statistics which is pretty bad cause i hate math a whooooole lot. i paid more attention in calculus for fuck's sake. i have a good work ethic but this shit is torture. my thoughts on this class can be summed up quite well by a quote from the legendary film Office Space: "...it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care." Ria posted at 12:43 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Monday, March 13, 2006 *
more heros, more library fines
apparently i have fines at the school library too, but these ones are bullshit. i returned those books two months ago. how do i know? they were books i checked out for french senior sem. i took all of those books back in one giant pile. i got rid of them as fast as i fucking could and i made sure they were all gone. so now i have $50 in fines because some gotard can't reshelve properly or didn't scan those two books back in. UGH. i'm not paying that shit. tomorrow, i throw down in the library. hahaha. nicole's my hero for a conversation we had last night. i wish i would have logged it but she was kind enough to, upon reading the original version of this entry, send me her log. because it's that awesome. [01:23] Nicole: nick and I keep on ALMOST having sex [01:24] Nicole: *headdesk* [01:25] Nicole: apparently, him knowing that he could have sex with me, and I would be more than OK with it, makes it really hard for him not to [01:25] Nicole: but, all he has to do is remind himself of his last relationship, where it turned into being all about sex [01:25] Nicole: and he can handle himself again [01:25] Nicole: *headdesk repeatedly* [01:25] Me: aghhhh [01:26] Nicole: 6.5 months maria [01:26] Me: please dont say things like that [01:26] Nicole: by the time I have sex, my vagina is going to be like, penis? what's this? the timing of it was half of why it was so funny. i haven't had sex in a while and sure it's a little frustrating sometimes, but i can live, i know why i'm not having sex and i know under what terms i will start having sex again. but i totally feel her pain. i can see why she's frustrated. i definitely admire her self control...that's something i value a lot. also. after i got off work yesterday, that was one of the best times i've had in quite a while. :) Ria posted at 12:39 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
spineflower
 i finished this a while ago. wooooo not sure how i feel about it tho. i was gonna post some other stuff, but i'm too lazy. Ria posted at 1:01 AM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Friday, March 10, 2006 *
did you ever know that you're my heeeeerooooooo
bryan is my hero. i had $23 in fines at the library and he cleared them all for me. yay :D i might end up being the cook at work two weekends from now. that would be crazy. that means i would be in charge of the kitchen during the day shift. how ridiculous is that? then i really will be have done every job in the kitchen. i've practically been the cook...i've done prep stuff and i've put the plates together and all that. i've done the two on the same day. i just don't have any keys. they might as well give them to me. not to be a jerk, but it's times like these that i think that they're pretty lucky to have me. i feel bad saying that, but i'm pretty much always willing to work, and i know how to do everyone's job, well. i know all the dietary restrictions and preferences of the residents regardless of what part of the building they live in. i work hard at my job! sometimes it's nice to take a little bit of credit for it. hopefully that doesn't make me a bad person. anyway...bedtime. hopefully i'll sleep better tonight than i have been for the past few nights. Ria posted at 11:20 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, March 07, 2006 *
done vs. not done
to do from yesterday:
i went to the counselor today and i think we actually made some progress for once. i go back next tuesday. also, i turned in my symposium abstract last night, and here it is: Hook, Line, and Skin: The Body Suspension Subculture in Modern Ria posted at 4:37 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Monday, March 06, 2006 *
banal day to day things
blogger has been REDICULOUS lately. grrrr. to do today: -email symposium sponsor re: meeting this week -write and submit symposium abstract -clean desk -schedule counseling appointment to -photocopy reserve readings in library -meeting with animateur partner in library -actually do said reading -laundry -nap -yoga i can talk again. that's one of the worst panic attacks ive ever had in terms of physical reaction...not as terrifying mentally as some of them have been, and i think i'm phasing out of the instinct to cut. the downside of that is i'm so physically frozen that i can't do much of anything, and i didnt start verbalizing stuff until probably after 1 in the morning. Ria posted at 2:30 PM 1 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Sunday, March 05, 2006 *
convo
[22:42] Aenimatic Schism: *great big hug* i'm sorry you had a bad day [22:42] roccianera: *hug* its ok [22:42] roccianera: im exhausted but i guess that in the end i refuse to not go down swinging [22:43] roccianera: i dont know what i will have to do but i hope that by the end of my lifetime something will have happened. i owe it to myself and everyone else who has these kinds of problems [22:43] roccianera: everyone deserves love and help [22:44] roccianera: to be denied it from loved ones is rediculous. my family doesn't even know about my stuff. [22:45] roccianera: and it hurts that i can't tell them. [22:47] roccianera: these are things i wouldn't wish on my enemies. if i have to make it my life's work to make society realize that it's a real problem and that statistically depression at some level is astronomical, then so be it [22:48] roccianera: its hard enough to deal with being the victim of your own brain [22:49] roccianera: i refuse to be the victim of a society who abandons those already at the mercy of uncontrollable chemical responses, some of whom die before they can be helped [22:50] roccianera: people dont realize how serious i am about all of this [22:51] roccianera: im only one person but i refuse to let it go or believe that i can't do anything [22:51] roccianera: anyone can wear a ribbon or shit like that [22:52] roccianera: but i'm more stubborn. i want people to actually have to confront it. [22:52] roccianera: fuck donating to a cause. fuck a .org website ending. the problem is much bigger than that, and the soloution should be too. [22:53] roccianera: and while there is no curing it, there should at least be better ways of coping with it [22:53] roccianera: and i am really fucking stubborn and i have a rediculous work ethic Ria posted at 11:01 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Saturday, March 04, 2006 *
scare!
(fed in from IAM, written last night) had a death scare with bradley tonight. i was cleaning out the tank in the bathroom with the gravel vacuum (i HATE that thing) and i swear the my poor buddy was traumatized. but i wasn't going to let him live in a dirty tank! i got the tank back into my room and everything, and he started doing that thing fish do when they're pretty under the weather...he started kindof laying on the gravel and not moving at all. so i got worried, because whenever i've had a fish die, it's always been after they've done that. i put some food in the tank, and that didn't do anything (usually he's a hungry beast). about 15 minutes later, though, i looked over, and he was swimming again! and then i put some food in the tank, and he ate! he was a little slow, but he's not running into things anymore, or laying on the gravel. he's just kinda putzing around. i know he's a fish. but bradley's my buddy - i can't have any other pets where i live, so i get kindof attached. he's a good listener, and relieves a lot of my stress just by watching him when i'm doing things like writing crazy ass literary analyses in french and things of that nature. he's my little buddy, and for a fish he's got lots of personality, and so while it's not 100% yet, i'm glad he's not dead. i really hope he's gonna be ok. I stopped in to my mom's work before I went to work today, because she was really excited to see my tattoo. So I stopped and showed it to her, and she loved it. She was talking to her boyfriend the night before and told him that I had gotten it, and he told her she should get one too. I told her that if she wanted to, we could go together ('cause I'm obviously getting more). Ria posted at 6:47 PM 0 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Friday, March 03, 2006 *
aforementioned quotes
I was looking through the archives, and I dredged these two quotes out, which are very relevant to me right now: "I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?" -Ernest Hemingway (From Tuesday, 9/21/2004) "There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth." -Nietzsche (From Friday, 9/10/2004) "Life sucks no matter where you go, so don't be fooled by location changes?" -Daria, "Is It Fall Yet" (The first Daria movie) Discuss. Ria posted at 12:12 AM 1 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Thursday, March 02, 2006 *
HUGE rant
swear to god, sometimes i just want to scream at someone. nobody in particular, i just want to. if there could be a person completely void, just a blank person, i would go to town. this block break has FUCKING SUCKED so far. everyone i know is going through pledging and this is my first one that i'm not going through, since deactivation and all. which sucks. those girls don't even know what it is to be a Rhoze, or at least most of them don't. some of them do, but most of them aren't the ones in positions of power within the group. so to them (not the ones that still acknowledge my presence because they're mature adults and realize our friendship was deeper than three greek letters on a shirt), GOOD FUCKIN' RIDDANCE and GROW THE FUCK UP YOU BITCHES. i am SO FUCKING ANGRY. i have done nothing, and there's not much of anyone to do anything with. i want to get out of here and the only time im ever really going to get to hang out with anyone is when im with the people i work with. AT WORK. i just need to face it! I HAVE NO FUCKING LIFE. people who used to be my best friends dont even talk to me anymore. theyve all got boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances... i know you're waiting for your life to begin, but wake up girl you've got it all wrong you want a price that you're not gonna win so face it girl, you've got it all wrong - "Hey You", No Doubt | |
