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* Thursday, December 22, 2005 *
my poor fishy
my poor black moor goldfish, Bucky, whom i love and cherish, is very sick. i fear he is on his deathbed...i don't expect him to make it through the night, honestly. he is floating all but belly up, breathing very short, sharp, shallow breaths through his gills...my poor baby fish (although obviously has not been a baby since before i got him) is dying. for a $3.88 wal mart goldfish, he has led a very long and fulfilling life. i have had him for almost a year...i think i got him in february. he was heartbroken when his tankmate and partner in crime wilco died several months ago. it pains me to see bucky like this. no seriously...for him being a fish, im pretty attached to him. i talk to him a lot. i am seriously losing a companion here. Ria posted at 2:18 AM 5 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Wednesday, December 21, 2005 *
99 luftballons
99 dreams I have had In every one a red balloon It's all over and I'm standing pretty In this dust that was a city If I could find a souvenir Just to prove the world was here And here is a red balloon I think of you, and let it go... Nena, "99 Red Ballons" We just watched Love Actually and holy shit I love that movie...so sappy. So happy. *melt* Ria posted at 7:01 PM 4 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Thursday, December 15, 2005 *
who you callin' fruitcake?
my dad called today. i pick up the phone, we talk for a little bit. dad: and the grades are fine? me: yeah, yeah dad: yeah, the grades are good. so you going to get your teaching liscense? me: no. i don't want to teach. i just want to major in french. dad: well, teaching would be good... me: i do not want to teach high school french. dad: what about like, elementary school social studies or something like that? me: i DO NOT want to teach. not like that. i do not want to work for 50 years in a job that i hate. dad: ok ok i guess that's it then. me: i was actually thinking about moving to quebec after i graduate and getting a job there. dad: ohhhh, i dont know about that...i don't like that idea. me: why? what's wrong with it? dad: it's a whole country of fruitcakes up there. me: moreso than our country of fruitcakes down here? dad: it's a different kind of fruitcakes. now... nobody on my dad's side of the family has any right to call anyone fruitcake. my dad has been in college for 20 years now. and he's still going. community college, state university, theological seminary, you name it! he has a master's and works in retail at the ripe age of 50 something. i know two members of the family on that side, he and my grandmother, who is also nuts, and we don't really talk anymore. so the question here is, WHO YOU CALLIN' FRUITCAKE?! and why doesn't my family think i can do anything? freakin' a! i will go wherever and do whatever the hell i want after i graduate, because I CAN. so take that. Ria posted at 2:15 PM 5 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, December 13, 2005 *
new deviation
 i just finished this phoenix for the phi kappa nu phoenix family, or one member of the phoenix family who wanted one to make into something bigger. anywho. not much else going on really, i have been feeling pretty blah sometimes though - i think it's just the weather, and the fact that i need to get adjusted by a chiropractor because my body isn't using food energy like it should (thus making me pretty tired). i interviewed for a secretary/web job with the campus residence hall association today, and i really hope that i get it. i think it would be a really fun job and fun people to work with, and not to mention it'd be a little bit of extra money. but it would be really fun! and it would be something on campus that i could do that got me involved with people who are here. i know i have the rhozes, but that's pretty well contained to our group. so hopefully i will hear back about that soon. mandarin oranges sound good.. Ria posted at 6:52 PM 4 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Thursday, December 08, 2005 *
cutting
i really feel like cutting right now. like i was really close to getting shit together, and i feel like by what i did i fucked it all up, and there's no way of redeeming it. never an absolution when you're depressed. i can see through my skin on my hands kindof...it reminds me of the winter when i was a sophomore in high school, and it was cold and windy and dry, and instead of putting lotion on my hands when i knew they needed it, i just let them go, and i let my knuckles crack open; by the time i put lotion on them it was going into open cracks in skin and it burned far more than it would have if i'd just put lotion on them in the first place. i don't want to do that again. i dont want to cut my arm (my new location of choice). i just don't feel like i have too many other options, i feel like i screwed so much stuff up. "why weren't you at joe's party?" "i wasn't invited.." "what? what do you mean?".... "they're having paintball this saturday, i'm sure they'll tell you about it" "they've already talked about it when i've been around." "i'm sure they'll invite you, you're probably just being paranoid." but remember? i'm a slut, a whore, i'm gone. what happened was completely my decision, obviously, because there were two of us involved. i didn't think it would get out. and i thought that if it did, i wouldn't care. but now, i'm a mockery. now, shit has changed. and now, he's a stud and i'm a stupid joke whore. shows who your real friends are, huh. Ria posted at 1:44 AM 4 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Monday, December 05, 2005 *
damn
i binge ate like crazy at work this weekend. there was just so much food, and i have no idea why, but i just kept shovelling it down like we were going to run out or something. but of course now that i'm back at school, i'm sure i will resume my lettuce diet (not by choice). need to start running and doing more yoga. would feel much much better. car is broken. bah. christmas music is driving me crazy. poor sucker djs who work for the station that has only been playing christmas music since the beginning of november. they might possibly need a new job more than i do. it makes me incredibly sad to think about all the poor cats and kittens who are out in the cold...there needs to be a shelter or something, just a barn with lots and lots of hay and possibly soft blankets to provide a break from the wind and get them out of the snow. poor kittens... :'( everyone go adopt a cat from your humane society now. go get a stray. | |
