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* Monday, November 28, 2005 *
things i will be promptly removing from my diet
i woke up yesterday morning (sunday) and i think it was a concoction of being hung over and some sort of flu type thing, because after 15 minutes or so of being awake, i got really nauseated. eventually, i threw up. yuck, right? tell me about it, i'm the one that threw it up. out came the cup of noodles with vegetables i'd had the night before. lots of stomach acid. yup, it sure was disgusting. anyway, i had to go to work after that, so i got in the car and drove to iowa city, thinking i was done being sick for the day. boy was i wrong! we were short, so i ended up doing most of the dishes all the way through the supper meal. pureed vegetables really look a lot like puke. so does bread soaked in water, coffee, and all mixed with little bits of fruit...basically, everything yesterday reminded me of puke. which didn't make me feel any better. however, my accomplishment yesterday was that i didn't puke at work! i managed to keep it down, amazingly enough. however. there are some things that i thought were gross for whatever reason before, and after yesterday, i'm just done with those foods. maybe forever, maybe not. but here are the foods i will promptly be removing from my diet: -anything pureed (not that i was really eating that anyway) -ranch dressing -french/western dressing -dark gravy -lamb (which is fucking disgusting anyway) -lunch meat (what is with that freaking SMELL) -red snapper -oatmeal (yesterday was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. you think its ok to eat until you have to try to clean it up after its been sitting in a container for 12 hours.) this includes malt o meal, cream of wheat, grits, all of it. -ham. looks like its gonna taste good, shit always disappoints me. plus after an in-flight meal my sister spent the night puking up a ham and cheese sandwich, and we've both been skeptical of it ever since. -pancakes. i've pretty well had a conditioned food aversion to these since the age of 5. -black coffee. sorry, but there are much tastier ways to obtain energy. this may or may not be all of the foods i am cutting out - i'm sure there are more that i have never been a big fan of anyway. these are some things i will eat more of because they are good for you and one hell of a lot better (in my opinion) than the aforementioned foods: -olive oil -yogurt -mandarin oranges (best food EVER) -some cheese -skim milk, which i used to drink all the time when i lived at home, but i dont trust the milk at food service. i should just get my own. -water! -some sort of protein. that isn't necessarily meat, but not necessarily peanut butter either. hum. -waffles and french toast. but NOT PANCAKES -omlets, preferably cheese. -crepes. and real ones, not american restaurant crepes. from my kitchen, beyotches. this isn't a diet. it's just that after working in food service for long enough, i just can't eat certain things anymore, especially after the puke episode. it looks as though i need to go grocery shopping. Ria posted at 1:56 PM 6 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Wednesday, November 16, 2005 *
thoughts on my family not being supportive in my schooling
this is what i am going to take to the counselor's office tomorrow. why do i care? i feel like my biological family should be the people who support me no matter what, and for me, that isn't the case. while my mom and dad pay for part of my school, i will be paying for the remainder by myself after i finish school. i am expected to pay for nearly everything on my own, using the money i earn from my two jobs (on top of being a full time student, i work about 20-26 hours a week). i rarely ask for money from my mom, and never ask for anything from my dad. while money is an issue in my life, it is their lack of support in other areas that truly bothers me. rarely is there a congratulatory remark on my grades. when asked what class i am in, the response i receive is not "do you like it?" or "what's that about?" but "what are you going to do with that?" or "oh". nobody really wants to know anything about it. or know what i want to do after college (many of the ideas were things my sister didnt approve of, because they didnt make enough money). or what music i like, my favorite colors, that i am in a social group, that i have been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety disorder, that my jobs burn me out, that i have had sex, that i have credit card debt, that i've been drunk, that every once in a while i hurt myself because i can't handle any more. and because they are so unconcerned with the workings of my life, i am not only apathetic toward my schoolwork, job, and relationships (including that with myself), but rebelling against. where i used to be proud of my work ethic and very academically engaged, i now daydream of getting hurt to get out of work and skip class on a regular basis. i don't want to do these things, but i am finding it hard to care. i feel like i keep working because maybe one day they will be proud of the things i have accomplished. now that i am 20 years old and a junior in college, i am beginning to realize that it will never happen. i am realizing that this is my life, and if they are not going to care, then i am going to have to let that go and go about doing things my way-how things are going to work for me, regardless of whether my family approves or not. - that's what i wrote. i needed to get it out in a fairly orderly way. but if you can't rely on your family, who can you rely on? the insitution of the family unit in the united states is starting to combust regardless of how well families get along. and i hate to see it, but maybe the institution of nuclear family is passe - maybe it doesn't work anymore. maybe our society is so selfish and individualistic that we can't even survive in tiny family units anymore. ugh. but it's medicine refill day. Ria posted at 2:55 PM 4 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Saturday, November 12, 2005 *
proof
anyone got proof that i'm capable of being loved proof that someone's gonna stick around someday that someone thinks im worth sticking around for because i don't Ria posted at 10:23 PM 3 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Friday, November 11, 2005 *
for a friend
 I painted this for a friend...it's called "She's Amazing". Ria posted at 7:00 PM 3 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Tuesday, November 08, 2005 *
"Crabby McCrabberson"
 I was crabby at dinner tonight. So naturally, I made a crab. Click to see a bigger version. Enjoy. Ria posted at 7:02 PM 3 comments * * * * * * * * *
* Saturday, November 05, 2005 *
virus
have an idea for another painting, when i get back home after work tomorrow. i went to the art supply store after work last night and bought more ink and a palette, which will be much easier to use im sure than a plastic lid, which is what i had been using. it does its job, but it could be a lot easier. i got my oil changed today, and did my homework while i was waiting, so in theory when i get home tomorrow late afternoon i can just hang out, work on websites, and paint. only one more day of work, then back to school. it will be over soon enough. yeah you just take your pill, and everything will be alright she looks like a teenage anthem she looks like a magazine girl she looks like teenage anthem like she used to be happy in a better world she looks like a teenage anthem she is happy with the girl inside she looks like a teenage anthem looks like she could have been happy in a better life... -"amphetamine", -everclear im happy with who i am. im happy with my friends, my boyfriend, my schoolwork, my hobbies. it's just work and family tension and mental issues that i have little to no control over that bring me down. it's all going to be ok...just keep telling me that. oh, and if anyone is interested in these paintings im going to keep putting up, let me know. | |
