I just wanna see some palm trees...

Ria posted at 10:01 PM
3 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Friday, February 25, 2005 *

phew!

okay. first off, i have to apologize to ashley, because when i redid my template, i forgot to put her xanga link back up. so, my apologies, mon ami, and the link says "my co-queen of the world", because that's what she is. we each have half.

the prozac has levelled me back out, things are going normally again. thank goodness. i finished my book, i finished the damn class, and i'm about to go out to a formal dinner with the rhozes. we have the most awesome rhozebuds - we have 11 this spring! and they are all wonderful! and our pledges kicked ass at lip sync, and won 1st place in the pledges division, and we rocked it and won 1st place (as a tie with Sigma Kappa Psi) in the actives division. Rawk. and about 5 groups had come up and told us that it was their goal this time to beat us, including the SKY's. don't get me wrong, they were good. so while you can't beat the best, if you try really hard, you can tie with 'em ;) (sorry for the ego.) we did "save a horse, ride a cowboy" by big and rich, and even though our plug got pulled at the end of the song, we finished our lip sync and just sang the words, which helped because the crowd was singing with us. it kicked ass.

pledging has gone pretty well this time around, but it has been pretty quiet. it makes me wonder just how effective the PSC was, and what's all still happening that people just don't know about. hum. anyway, gotta go to dinner. i'm wearing the cheongsam ;D

Ria posted at 4:37 PM
3 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Tuesday, February 22, 2005 *

i just wanna feel like i know something.

i do know things, honest.
i'm not stupid.

maybe someday i'll believe that.

i might be a spaz. i might have boundless energy sometimes, or be really out of it, or whatever. i'm not sedated. but i really do know things. maybe under all the electricity is something more, huh? maybe i'm capable of intellectual thought? i'm more than just a human jacob's ladder. i have thoughts. maybe even DEEP ones. maybe even analytical ones, complex ones, thoughts not everyone can understand. i'm more than a body, right? more than walking electricity? more than a mental neuron misfire?

i have a brain too, right?

...right?

i feel so dumb right now.

Ria posted at 12:08 AM
3 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Sunday, February 20, 2005 *

apologies already

i apologize to everyone who runs into me for the time being. i'm fucking crabby. i'm a crabby patty right now. really frickin' grumpy. i passed through various stages while i was at work today, starting when i got there at about 6:15 - the "i'm sure i'll get more energy when i eat breakfast", to the "running at acceptable capacity" and then the "all i want to do is go home, listen to sublime, and drink a beer", and finally, on the way back home this afternoon, the "get the fuck out of my way, i want to get the hell home".

I just here and now realized something.

I haven't had my prozac in 2 days. Fuck.
If I'm really tempermental, I don't mean it.

Ria posted at 5:10 PM
2 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Friday, February 18, 2005 *

must i really do stuff now

must i really do stuff now? i like what we're talking about in class but i just can't bring myself to actually do reading. i even kindof want to do it. but there's a sort of mental roadblock there - i'm thinking of all the other stuff that's going to happen today: class, work at the retirement home, our last pre-pledge, voting, then more voting tomorrow morning, and bid night tomorrow night? i love bid night, and i'm excited about that, and i'm excited for pledging, so it's really hard to concentrate on this stuff. but i should feel really fortunate: i have today and monday left of class, and then i'm done. i get the last two days off to do our mucho huge-o final paper. so it's not like i get a vacation or something. i need these papers to go well. *sigh* it will be over soon...it will be over soon...some blocks just can't seem to end fast enough. some blocks i enjoy, some just feel like they never end.

Ria posted at 10:16 AM
3 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Thursday, February 17, 2005 *

gack

the paper is done and turned in. i finished a bunch of stuff in the french department today, and tomorrow morning i'm going to try to make a dent in the remainder of it while i can. it's pay day from the retirement home tomorrow, which is good, because i can try to finish off this month's montreal payment (if i can). i can pay my co-pays, make the minimum credit card payment, and hope for the best. i'm going to be missing a lot of work because of pledging, so i'm going to need to try to pick up some good hours over spring break. i'm feeling a little burnt out by school and work right now, and my head just feels stressed. i feel like i should clean, because i think subconsciously there's something that says if i clean, it'll clean out my mind. like somehow all the crap on the floor in front of my closet is everything going on. my discontent with my schedule and winter and whatever else is what makes me leave this crap laying around, though. weird.

Ria posted at 1:44 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Wednesday, February 16, 2005 *

another angsty entry

This paper bloody frickin' sucks. I'm more than halfway down page three, and all i have left to do is support two con points (which is difficult since i think the con side is a bunch of crap), and describe my opinion. which i plan to do in the morning, because i wrote it all out on paper already and forgot it in my room. i'm tired and getting really crabby - i have a headache. this class makes me pissy. so i apologize to anyone i've been pissy to lately - it's nothing personal. freakin' sucks. i'm getting pretty tempted to just take my prozac and go to bed, but i can't really afford to do that, or at least i don't want to. i want to get this fucker done. git 'er done! bah! no! stupid! men needed a clue in the 19th century, you know that? they really did.

Ria posted at 2:28 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Tuesday, February 15, 2005 *

another entry, because i really need one.

this isn't a meltdown, but it's damn close. so i'm going to release the wrath in hopes that i can finally start working on this thing.

i hate this paper, i hate this class, i thought it was going to be really cool, and it's definitely pretty lame. sure it's interesting, but i have no motivation to do any of the work. to be honest, i just don't care. last block i was really fighting - but i earned a good grade because i wanted it. i wanted to write a good paper, i wanted to be successful, i wanted to show myself that i could do it, and i did. the reading wasn't interesting, but i learned a lot and showed myself a lot. for some reason, i can't internalize this class - for some reason it just doesn't mean anything to me. i just can't bring myself to care. less than a week left - i just want to be done with this paper now, i want a decent grade on it, i want a good grade on it actually, but i have no motivation.

i need some good sunlight. it's fighting to be spring, but it still mostly looks like winter outside. i'm so damn tired of winter. i need heat and light. like a begonia! heat and light and water and space to run around (okay, so begonias don't do that), to not feel like i'm being strangled by acadamia. i'm behind in the french department, but i can probably use saturday during the day to get caught up there. people aren't getting back to me in terms of service project stuff, which has to get done, but i don't know what else to do. there's work, and other work, and wanting some days off but needing the money, and having to take days off and needing the money, and montreal, and it'll be fine i know, but damn. money's freakin' tight right now. i'm not eating as well as i would like, and i've pretty much reverted on my water habits. i haven't been running much lately, and i want to. i just feel so bogged down by this class and so tired because of the weather, and i'm finally starting to get antsy. i just want to work on my reading list (it's on my other blog) because unlike the crap we have to read for class, it doesn't bore me to death. my stats book was more interesting to read than some of this stuff.

in short, i'm frustrated, obviously. i'm tired, and i just don't give a crap at this point. so on i trudge, because it has to get done at some point, right?

Ria posted at 1:55 PM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

third week of class rant

yes. i could be working on my paper right now. in fact, it probably wouldn't be that difficult for me to work on it right now. but i'm not, because i'm wasting more time writing here about how much i don't want to work on it. i know i need to, but i just don't want to. it's the last full week of this class - i only have 4 classes this week and 1 next week - but WOW i am so sick of it. i fall asleep pretty much every day during the first hour. i don't want to write 5 pages on this topic because we already beat it to death in class and now we've moved on to the next book. gwarr!!!! at least when i'm writing french papers i'm learning something (i know i complain a lot about those. but those are legitimately hard.) so, woe is me. i want to finish this freaking thing. i need a good grade on it, so i'm a lot more concerned about it. spring break, where are you?!?!?!!?

Ria posted at 11:28 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

one week until block break

i just have to make it through this class until next wednesday. i'm so freaking bored by this stuff. we beat the topics to death in class discussion, then write papers, barf, ugh, i thought this class was going to be a lot cooler. at least it's in english.

my face is getting pretty botchy again. i must stop picking at it!!!!! i will stop picking at it! i will drink loads of water! as i prepare to get a dr. pepper out of the fridge. but that's just to keep me awake so i can write this piece of stuff. block break. pledging. thank goodness. i am so ready to be done with this mess. it's one thing to start writing a paper before you have to because you have a lot to say. it's quite another to start writing it early simply because you can't stand talking about it any longer. this is desperation. HELP.

im listening to the sound of music. la la laaaa....mushy....laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....okay...*sigh*....it's gonna be a long night. isn't it.

Ria posted at 3:00 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Friday, February 11, 2005 *

boogeyman

would the bad day boogeyman or whatever the hell it is get the heck away from my roommate? nicole is smart, articulate, pretty, fun to hang around, has a good sense of humor, is a good friend, and practically a sister to me. it sucks for me to see her feeling this down, and i wish there was something better i could do, and i know other people feel that way too. honestly, my roommate is damn cool, and i wish that some people would get that. that she's more than enough, that she's more than worth their time. apparently some people just don't get a lot of things. someday, there's going to be a man (not a boy, not a guy, but a man) who will actually be worth her time, and will be genuine and interested in her for all the right reasons, and who like all people might not always get things right 100% of the time, but will know when he doesn't, and will try to avoid those situations. he'll try to know her, he won't play games with her (unless they're fun ones), and maybe he'll be worthy of her attention. she is better than this, she is better than this guy who is going back to his ex-girlfriend who dumped him because she was unhappy (don't ask me to explain this one please), and she can do better. lots better. and i know it's hard to hear that you can do so much better, because if you can, then naturally you want to ask why you aren't. is there a time and place for it all? who knows how this all works...sometimes it just plain old doesn't work i suppose. someday, there will be a man worthy of her attention to love.

Ria posted at 3:14 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Tuesday, February 08, 2005 *

much needed update

It's my niece's fourth birthday today. I called her at 8:30 this morning, and it was damn cute - she is so excited. We're having her party this Saturday, and I need to pick up a present for her. My nieces are quite possibly some of the world's most awesome people. I also talked to my 1 year old niece, and she said "Hi YiYi", and it made me really happy. They can call me YiYi until they're old and crusty, and it'll be all good with me. They are so cool!

I'm seeing someone. Someone I never would have expected to end up with, but since I have, I'm really enjoying the time we spend together, and we get along really well. I'm really excited to have him around, and we have more in common than I thought we would. Regardless of the fact that this completely came out of nowhere, I'm really happy :) Hi, Brandon :)

I've been having some really lovely times at the dentist. So far, I've gotten to watch You've Got Mail and Ferris Bueller's Day Off while they've been working on my teeth. I know that's a pretty desperate way to cover up for the fact that I've been having some real fun (HA) times at the dentist, but at least they try. It makes it a lot better.

I have my midterm today already. I have missed the past two days of class. Help. I do have to say that I am a tad scared. But I'm sure things will be fine. I can't wait until spring break - just getting to hang out with my roomie and my boy and work and not worry about anything. Getting to sleep and watch movies and be a bum! Sounds fantastic! Just have to finish this block, and next block. This block break is going to be awesome, because we have pledging, and pledging is always an awesome time. I am really sad to see that it's some of our seniors last pledging - do you guys really have to graduate? Is it honestly necessary?

I need to be productive now...bluh. I have a to-do list somewhere. I need to make myself look like I haven't been sick for the past few days. That would be a good place to start I think. *sigh*

Ria posted at 11:58 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Thursday, February 03, 2005 *

this is ourselves...under pressure

i got paid today from the retirement home. it's decent, but it isn't enough - i missed a long day because of really nasty weather, which kinda sucks, because that'd be about 60 more dollars. i have a 300 dollar montreal payment due and only about 200 dollars right now. i'd count on my check from school, except i only worked part time last block, so that won't work. i'll have to set something up with my professor - i'm not worried about not having enough money, it's just that i don't have it right at this second due to circumstances that were beyond my control. february is an expensive month - montreal, pledging, lots of things. oh well, there is no other option but to get by, right? so i guess i will.

i went running this morning, trying to get myself back up to where i was before my two week lull. if i did it once, i can do it again, right? i've been going in the morning before i eat anything, and it makes me feel kinda queasy when i first get done. i'd much rather do it at night, i think. i like running at night.

my sister called and left me a message. apparently they're having a budget cuts meeting at work, and that doesn't sound good at all, and she said that apparently they told everyone that they would have to make some very hard decisions. meaning they're firing people. all i can say is they best leave my sister alone, and they best not freakin touch anyone on the dietary staff, cause we're tight, and we wouldn't be down with that. and i definitely don't want my sister to lose her job. i just can't imagine the place without anyone who works there right now. and i really don't want my sister losing her job. that would be extremely bad.

interesting how a college degree doesn't mean job security like it used to. they used to make it seem like if you went to college, you were a hot commodity. now everyone does it. now it's the new standard. now it just makes you eligible to play the game - you can't even get laid off if you don't have a degree now in a lot of fields. *sigh* support unions? don't let snap-on buy out your firm and replace you with random people who will work for less? good greif.

Ria posted at 11:53 AM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Wednesday, February 02, 2005 *

alright.

i have a surge of ambition - hopefully it doesn't die before class gets over. i have some things i want to get done today:
1) class. 2) french department. 3) lumber yard to buy a paddle so i can decorate it. yah! 4) fix nicole's shirt and my shirt. 5) fix the preferencing stuff on the webpage. 6) rhoze bowl! 7) work. 8) rhoze pledging stuff. 9) homework.

i really don't want to go to class. i get kinda bored. blah.

Ria posted at 12:46 PM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *

* Tuesday, February 01, 2005 *

Rap, Oldies, Queen, and Babylon

I went free music shopping this morning. Amongst my downloads:

"Under Pressure", - Queen; "Happy Jack", - The Who; The entire Beach Boys greatest hits album; "Suspicious Minds", - Elvis; "Time Is On My Side" - The Rolling Stones; "Take a Letter Maria", - RB Greaves; "I think I love you" - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies; "Babylon" - David Grey; "Pour some sugar on me", - Def Leppard; "Roll Me Away" - Bob Seger; "Salt Shaker", - Lil' John and some other people. Get the jist? That isn't everything but the mix is very eclectic or so I think. I have to go to the dentist today, that doesn't sound very appealing. I get paid from the retirement home on Thursday, meaning I will be making another 300 dollar montreal payment very soon. That means I'll only have 300 more dollars to go! The only bad part is that I'll really be scraping to make the last payment. I'll be taking a lot of time off because of pledging next block break, plus bid night day, plus my niece's birthday party. But I'll make do. I'll get a (REALLY) small check from school on the 15th of this month because I only worked part time last block, but every little bit helps at this point. I haven't been running much lately, which sucks, and I really want to. Maybe tonight or tomorrow morning I will go, because I really want to, and I really need to. I just feel better when I'm running.

This summer is going to be so awesome. I'll be staying here at school again and Nicole will be here working too, which will be awesome. It sounds like a really good group of people will be staying. Nicole and I are so damn excited about the fact that we won't have to be job searching this summer, because we already have jobs! That will make this summer so much better than last. We want to get adjacent rooms so we can have a living room and such. That would rock. Plus more of our friends would be around, meaning things would just be a lot more fun than last year. I can't wait. Just the thought of summer, and being able to run around in shorts and a tank top and never wear shoes (except at work), warmth, being a pool rat, being a lake rat, having sunlight until 9 at night...it sounds so nice. And not so much damn SAND EVERYWHERE! This freaking sand! No more ice, or snow. Sooooo nice...

snap out of it, maria. it's time to go to a meeting. then class. then the dentist, then drive back. for another meeting. then homework. then another meeting. so just keep thinking of summer, right? and listen to the beach boys for a few more minutes.

Ria posted at 1:29 PM
0 comments

* * * * * * * * *