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I'm Ria. I'm 21 years old, a college student and (unwilling) workaholic who loves music, reading, sunlight, and living.

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September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007

* Thursday, September 30, 2004 *

so, its been a while...

i know. i havent updated in a while. so sue me.


a lot has happened in the past week, mostly for the better. i went satellite hunting with a very nice and handsome boy, work has mostly gone pretty well, and i started my new class, which is really really hard. i'm in linguistics this block, and it definitely isn't my favorite. one kindof nice thing is that i have afternoon only class, but that destroys my motivation to get up in the morning, which is the bad part.


i was quite excited about satellite watching. all in all, it was a very lovely night. he asked for my phone number. i've not really had a boy do that before, which is exciting. i have a crush on him. yesh, yesh i do. perhaps.


other than that, my life has been webpages, meetings, class, and work, with occasional slits of sleep inbetween. but you know what? it really hasn't been too bad. that's all i got.


Ria posted at 9:32 PM
3 comments
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* Tuesday, September 21, 2004 *

quote

Here's a good quote that really seems to sum it up right now (taken from Emily's away message):


"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

-Ernest Hemingway


Ria posted at 12:21 AM
3 comments
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* Thursday, September 16, 2004 *

cornell, land of chunky squirrels

Ahh, Cornell. Land of the Chunky Squirrel. Why on earth are we the rams? There are no rams around here! There are, however, a mutitude of squirrels, most of whom are quite robust. Rotund. Both of those words describe fantastically these brown, furry critters who frequently stop at our side and stare (apparently they aren't much for running). I propose that Cornell change its mascot to the brown squirrel, and design a crest that includes a squirrel with a sword and a shield...the fighting squirrels, that's what we'll be. The Cornell College Fighting Squirrels! Unfortunately, that would be exceptionally bad for people like the track team, as it would constitute that we would be too fat and/or skittish to run away. However, some will have to sacrifice. I am deeming myself the Queen. Go get me some chocolate milk and a taco.


Okay, just kidding. Turns out people other than Nicole and Brandon (I love you both!) read this (yay Jacqui!), and apparently I should update. Back in the real world...or as real as this gets:
I sincerely feel as though this class is a waste of my time. I'd 15-day it, but I want the credit, and I'm pretty sure I'll get a good grade in it. I just feel like it's a waste. Next block Linguistics should be somewhat challenging, thank goodness, and not require stupid shop hours that are mandatory but really only work for people who don't have three jobs. I'm to the point where I would just rather write a freaking paper, I don't care. However, hopefully I'll leave this class with a self-made pair of bondage pants (I got the plaid pants at Goodwill in Dubuque, but the zippers all over are the hard part) and knowledge of how to make a mohawk on someone with as much hair as I have. Plus, I'll have safety pins on (in) my face, and I intend to scare the bloody hell out of everyone at lunch that day. Wednesday will be incredibly fun, believe you me. I'll wear it for the rest of the freakin' day. After I get done writing this I need to work on my design project, which is due tomorrow. Unfortunately I have no fabric swatches. Nevermind, I just decided that I do, from some charamuse I have left over from RTSF this summer. This lamp on my desk is so possessed...it keeps turning on and off...it's a touch lamp, but nothing is touching or shaking it or anything. It's a fruitcake, I tell you. It's ten kinds of crazy.


Once again, the more I think about the tattoo I want, the more I want it. I seriously want to get it done this year. I would also like to invest in a few more earholes...nothing too rediculous, but a couple more might be fun. I refuse to repierce my cartlidge though, because the stud I used to have ripped out of it in 10th grade when I dove into a pool and the scar tissue is still there. I can still feel the hole. I think I'll just get a cuff and call it good.


Ahh, pajamas. Next week is the last week in the block, so I should really be getting them ready since its about time to start living in them. Every night since I got his shirt, I've worn it to bed. I usually go to bed happy. I'm getting better at the being patient thing, because I honestly think its worth it and its a good thing to do.


I love being able to yell out this window. I love having this window right here. You can scare the crap out of people, and if certain people like Justin get ambitious (or anyone else who might care to do so) they sing to me! And some people occasionally come visit :) This makes me happy. I love to watch people.


I want to see the ocean so bad, I'm looking at pictures and I just want to be in these places. Wow. Anyway, from Pfeiffer Diaries: An old Kate and Jordan quote from before I was in college...

Kate: I have been very bad tonight.

Kate: I stole a HUGE LOTR poster from a CTA bus stop.

Jordan: rofl

Kate: No, I'm serious. Todd got a wrench and we unscrewed it and just took the fucker.


Goodnight, everyone.


Ria posted at 11:32 PM
3 comments
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* Wednesday, September 15, 2004 *

leaving that town

it's 2am and i was hoping to be in bed by this point. thinking about maquoketa is just about giving me a heart attack...i honestly can't ever go back there unless it's with people here and doesn't last long. somehow over the past year every single thread i have to maquoketa has been cut, with the few people left that i still talk to being in different parts of the state or country. none of my family still lives there. that place causes me a lot of anxiety and pain that i just can't handle...being there almost gives me a panic attack. when my mom still lived there, it did. but there's no more house, or boyfriend, the friends have all moved. maquoketa is dead to me.


i was sitting in the bathtub tonight, thinking about what home is. right now, this is my home. this room. when i say i'm going home, i mean here. home is where i hang my hat, and home is where i make it. maybe someday i'll do lots of travelling, constantly packing and taking with the essentials and making home wherever i am at the time, even if it means a hotel. somewhere, i'll have a place to put all my stuff and a comfy bed to come back to during the lulls and interims, and i suppose i'll call it home, but home will truly be wherever i am. i'll be a free agent, out exploring in sun and storms and picking up important parts of languages.


someday, i'll see the ocean, and touch it. and i know when i do that, i'll be almost scared of it, because i know at some point out there, it gets so deep that i can't even fathom. can you imagine being that deep, knowing you aren't nearly as far away from the inner layers of the earth as you are up here? i know i'll stand there, just looking out, and while you can't see anything from parts of the shore of lake superior, there's an end at some point...but looking out at the ocean, there are no endpoints for thousands of miles, and the ocean is free. i think i'll be a little scared at first, by the idea that if you got far enough out, there's the risk that you could never come back. i guess that's what growing up landlocked does to you. i've flown over the ocean before, but never actually touched one or been in one. someday.


this makes me think of when my friend michelle (from high school) and i went backpacking one last time before we went our separate ways. we were on isle royale, and i can't remember what the name of the campsite we were at was. it was on the shore of the island, though, so we sat on the sand and collected pebbles of different colors to use with our mancala mat. between gin and mancala, we played a lot of games. after that, we dug little holes, and when the waves came in, they would flood with water. there were all these little green bugs, and we told them that they were pools and things like that, and then the water would come in and...well, yeah. most of them probably survived, though. we named all the individual campsites, the worst one being compton or something, or caprini greens, and ours (the really nice one) being off of this trail we named lakeshore drive (compton was located off of the boardwalk, as you had to walk on a trail of boards to get there). that was a really good week...i miss that. i want to go again. someday there will be more adventures, but for tomorrow...wednesday...there's shop hours, work, cssg, class, work...i am so restless right now, but its good, because it means that i eventually need to live a life of less restriction (that will probably be taken care of when i graduate and no longer have to go to school if i don't want to). but i have to get through tomorrow to get to the rest of it...so goodnight, everyone.


Ria posted at 3:06 AM
3 comments
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* Sunday, September 12, 2004 *

NO.

figured out who it was that made the nasty livejournal comment. things could now get really ugly, but instead, i'm just going to let the entire situation slide. it's someone from home that i thought was a really good friend and might still be, but got all cryptic and i don't know what. i don't want to deal with it, and in all reality, i don't have to. i have no ties to maquoketa, and if i so chose, i would never have to go back there again for the rest of my life (and HELL if i'll be buried there). instinct tells me to get really defensive and bust some words (do you know what i look like? i couldn't beat up a pea), but it isn't a good idea. it isn't worth it, and it isn't mature. it just isn't the right thing to do. so i'm just going to let it play out as it may, because frankly, i don't have the time or the will to deal with all the drama anymore. if he can't deal with me going about my business and the fact that i'm busy and i have a life here, that's too bad. what am i supposed to do? say "pardon me" for following my heart and possibly even my HEAD for a change? apologize for meeting someone really cool? nobody has any claim over me, nobody but God, and it's about damn time i started guarding my heart and taking care of myself in these regards. so honestly, i might (was) have been stubborn lately, possibly annoying, and really worried, but if that bothers anyone that much and they can't say it to my face or sign their name and they're pissed, than geez, make like the flight attendant in meet the parents and step the fuck off. i'm sorry. that sounds really harsh. but i'm tired of apologizing for things that don't warrant an apology. that's just crap. tired of being down on myself and being scared - that's crap too. so to the stupid things in my head that constantly get to me and the negative comments and whatnot. you heard me.

step the fuck off.

that feels so weird to say, but good, like weight is being lifted off. i just don't know any other way to say it, and i wish it didn't sound so harsh. but i have a right to happiness too, dammit!

i was thinking at work today while i was folding napkins. and while i was in the elevator going to drop stuff off at the laundry room. really i was thinking the whole time, but i'm referring to one thing mostly. i was in the elevator, and i was thinking that i'd just really like things to be concrete. a job, a major, a schedule, a plan. i'm ready to have some solid things in my life. then i thought that i do have something concrete, and no matter what i do it'll be there and won't move if i don't throw it away, and that is faith. and what i have to do to get all the other things in my life to fall into place is to build them all off of that. it makes sense to build things on solid ground. i should try this. then i don't really have to worry about what happens, because it'll just be alright. it really feels like majoring in french is the right thing to do, and that being an admissions counselor would be a nice, snug fit for me. i'm glad those things are coming together. schedules will never work, and i understand that. but its coming around i think.

i feel really strongly about no more apologizing for things that i have no reason to be sorry for. for once, i'm not going to be apologizing profusely for things i didn't do wrong. no more.

anyway, i have this fantastical psycho hose beast project to do now. had to get this off my chest. phew.

Ria posted at 6:11 PM
3 comments
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* Friday, September 10, 2004 *

gah!

okay, that's it. i'm getting my freakin ID card pierced into my body somehow. this is getting rediculous.

Ria posted at 11:03 AM
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good quote

There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.
-Nietzsche, philosopher

Ria posted at 12:04 AM
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* Thursday, September 09, 2004 *

my psychologist is workin' day and nighttime...

I snuck out of class today. It was time to work on our projects (the costume history presentations), which is a totally independent thing. So I waited until everyone started moving around and then left. For some reason, that class makes me a little bit phobic and strung out. Maybe it's too much time in the shop just sitting there; after this summer I'm so used to running around costume shops that it's hard to sit still for very long. My shirt project went pretty well, and I'm just really glad to be done with it. I told myself that I was going to go to work from 6 until 9 tonight, but I think I'm just going to go from 7:30 until 9 instead, because I really should get a jump on this costume history project. My era to cover is Medival Europe, which spans a pretty long time. Of course, I'll probably be making a webpage for my presentation, because that's what I do for every class I have to present stuff for. It's easy, you can do stuff with it, whatever. It works. I have to start cracking on the Rhoze and CSSG pages soon too, but the new webmaster for the college STILL hasn't gotten ahold of me, so I guess I'm just going to have to march myself over there and figure the situation out by myself. Hopefully I can get this stuff going after the CSSG retreat finishes on the first part of block break. Anyway, enough about that kind of boring stuff. I met (or re-met) my friend Jacqui from Girl Scout camp in middle school here - she's living in the next building over, and I am so freaking excited that she's here. I went over there last night intending to stay for like, 15 minutes. It turned into about 2 and a half hours. Sidebar: I love looking out my side windows and watching the people go by. Even more fun is shouting things at those people and seeing if they can figure out where the voice came from. Anyway! We talked for a really long time, which was awesome, and hopefully we'll be hanging out more.
I have an idea for a tattoo, which I've had the idea for a long time, but now I'm getting the harebrained idea of actually getting it put on me. I'm not sure where I would get it, though. It has to be somewhere extremely hideable, which makes it a challenge. Every time I think about it, I want it more. It's small and tasteful, and has significance. Maybe I'll try to put up a picture of it in here with an explanation of what it means. I sat with Travis and across-the-hall neighbor Anne at dinner tonight, and we had a lengthy discussion about tattoos. It was very interesting.
I am trying to trust God with things, and right now it's really hard. Last night I went down into the lounge (this was around 1:30 I think) and wrote until I couldn't stay awake anymore, because I want really badly for everything to work and go well. I mean, I pray other times of course, but when I really have something to discuss with God, I like to write it all out, because it helps me to say things better and prioritize, and it just seems like my prayers are more meaningful. It's nice to have tangibility in things like this, I suppose. I'm trying...trying to do this right and to make sense of it all.

Quote I found yesterday: "It's funny how you go to bed at night a force, and when you wake up, you're an influence." -Trust

Ria posted at 5:55 PM
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* Wednesday, September 08, 2004 *

there we go.

well, now that blogger is okay, i suppose i have news. i've decided to just major in french straight up instead of french ed, because the ed part is worthless to me since i want to be an admissions counselor (meaning i can major in pretty well whatever i want). that is a comforting decision. granted, i'm pretty nervous about upper level french classes (even though i've already taken one here and did just fine). it will be alright though - maybe now that i'm getting things sorted out, i'll be able to finagle the time necessary to concentrate on this stuff. time, hah, that's a funny thought...with this decision, of course, came some class changes for this year. here's my new schedule:
Block 1: THE 108 (Costume Construction
Block2: LAL 352 (Linguistics)
Block 3: FRE 303 (French Cultures in Francophone Africa)
Block 4: INT 205 (Statistical Methods)
Block 5: FRE 311 (Intro to French Lit)
Block 6: Still gotta figure it out.
Block 7: This one too
Block 8: PHY 228 (Alternative Energy Sources)
Block 9: THE 361 (Intro to Performance Studies)
this makes me look relatively studious. holy cow.
i have decided to make some of these posts non-comment. my last post on livejournal recieved a really mean comment, and i'm sorry, but this is my journal, and although you have the ability to comment on it, if you're just going to rip me down, then you can put a sock in it. that said, i know most of the people i know are perfectly decent and wouldn't ever do that anyway. go decent people. block 1 is half over! w00t! also...I was talking to mark the other day (advisor) and i'm taking a show off. i'm not going to work on book of days so that i have time to figure out work, my major, and everything else. this will be the first show here that i haven't worked on, so it might feel a bit weird. it will be a lot less stress, though. anyway, i have a rhoze shirt to design...for RHOZE BOWL! i am so terrible.

Ria posted at 8:19 PM
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this won't quite work either...

I have a new template but blogger won't republish, and I'm really bummed because I tinkered with this template all night last night! Its really bumming me out...damn I'm tired.

Ria posted at 10:24 AM
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* Tuesday, September 07, 2004 *

blah

Well, Livejournal kinda sucks compared to this. So, like my roomie, I have moved to blogspot.

Ria posted at 4:59 PM
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